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    by Ty Howard

Five Ways to Untie the Knots® of an Unexciting
Personal Relationship

Copyright © 2010 by Ty Howard.   All rights reserved.

Do you know of a personal relationship that is tied up in boring routines, predictable romance, uneventful weekends, humdrum special days or holidays, separatism, friction, conflict, anger, mediocrity, denial, and stress?

You know what’s worse?

To be tied up in an unexciting personal relationship for so long that you choose to no longer try to re-ignite or re-spark excitement to make it better.

Don’t fret, there are things that you can do to re-ignite and re-spark excitement into your personal relationship, regardless how long you’ve been together. Here are five practical and doable ways for you and your partner to Untie the Knots® and set free new excitement in your personal relationship.

Change the Condition

There are many personal relationships where the lines of open and honest communication are basically non-existent. This puts both partners involved in a position where they are left to assume the condition (state) of the relationship; resulting in, two people becoming tied up in the toxic knots of an unexciting personal relationship.

Recommended Solution: Schedule a – cordial and civil – meeting with your partner this evening where you the two of you can discuss the current condition of your unexciting personal relationship. Let the other person know your sole reason for requesting this meeting is your hope for the two of you to begin the process of "Changing the Condition" of your relationship for the better.

Reach a Fair and Doable Happy Medium

Once your partner arrives to participate in the requested – cordial and civil – meeting to discuss the current condition of your unexciting personal relationship, let him/her know that the ultimate goal is for the two of you to "Reach a Fair and Doable Happy Medium" for the betterment of your relationship.

Recommended Solutions: Here’s where the two of you can agree to commit to practicing at least three or all five of the following relationship resuscitating (reviving) strategies:

1) Acknowledge and stop doing two things that annoy your partner.

2) Create two date nights each month. First date the two of you will do what you want to do, and second date you do what your partner wants to do. The two of you will also agree to not look like the unhappy prisoner while out on any dates together.

3) Twice a year, the two of you schedule somewhere to go – together – for the weekend that is away from home, at least 150 miles away or more.

4) Each partner creates his/her own separate list of ten (10) things you find exciting to do on holidays and specials days (Birthdays, Anniversaries, Valentine’s Day, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, etc.). Put two signature and date lines on your list for both you and your partner to sign. After each of you has signed one another’s list page, make copies of each list so the two of you will have them for recall and follow-through.

5) In the area of romance, if the two of you aren’t excited or exciting one another in the bedroom, plan for at least one evening each week where the two of you will give your best effort to be romantic towards and with one another. The two of you must agree that you will put the past behind you, be open-minded, and more importantly—be romantic with one another like you truly mean it.

Special Romance Note: If the current state of your unexciting personal relationship is a little challenging to be re-ignited in the romance department, start off by planning for at least one evening every two weeks to get things going. If the current state of your unexciting personal relationship is more severe of a challenge in the romance department, to a point where it has been non-existing for some time, seek a licensed couples counselor or professional therapist for assistance.

Schedule Follow-Up Meetings to Improve Open and Honest Communication

The – cordial and civil – Untie the Knots® to Make Our Personal Relationship More Exciting meeting has taken place, and you and your partner have reached a "Fair and Doable Happy Medium." The next step is to "Schedule Follow-Up Meetings to Improve Open and Honest Communication."

Recommended Solutions: Schedule at least one open and honest follow-up meeting each month. The rules for this meeting are – Each partner is to first share one (1) thing the other person needs to improve or continue working on towards improving, and then share four (4) things you see that your partner is doing well. Lastly, share your open and honest "Unexciting - Exciting Relationship Meter Reading" on a scale of one to five; one being = our relationship is in major trouble, two being = our relationship is showing we have re-igniting and re-sparking potential, three being = our relationship is on an excitement upswing, four being = excitement has made its comeback in our relationship, and five being = Wow! We’ve definitely Untied the Knots® and have full control of the Relationship Excitement Meter.

Strive to Give and Do Your BEST

Many times partners fail again and again when it comes to trying to re-ignite and re-spark excitement in their personal relationship. Why? They are too focused on monitoring the efforts and performance of the other person than the consistent efforts and performance of themselves.

Recommended Solution: When you say that you’re committed to giving your ALL to re-ignite and re-spark the excitement in your personal relationship—"Strive to Give and Do Your BEST." Make it your primary focus to monitor your consistent efforts and performance, first.

Remember: The person in a relationship who gives their all to give their best—sleeps guilt free at night, if nothing less.

Change Your Position

There are two things human beings have trouble with when it comes to personal relationships that are tied up in toxic knots: 1) Letting go, and 2) Starting over. This is why 98% of couples who find themselves tied up in the toxic knots of an unexciting personal relationship, grow numb to and do nothing about the current condition of their relationship. To them "It’s just complicated," "It will somehow work its way out for the better," "This is how my life was meant to be," "This is the person I got stuck with," and it becomes an unconscious normal way of living.

Recommended Solution: If you know you have tried-and-tried again to "Change the Condition" of your unexciting personal relationship and nothing positive or better has come from your efforts—then it’s time for you to "Change Your Position" in your unexciting personal relationship. Life is far too short to live in misery, and we know misery loves company. It’s time for you to Untie the Knots® and move on to a better position in life. This will require a new start, and might require being by yourself for a while. Don’t worry—you can do GOOD by yourself too!

Special Change Your Position Note: If your unexcited personal relationship has reached a point where you know you will not be able to teach a content or stubborn person a new and healthier way of loving one another, it’s time to close this chapter in your life and move on. You’re doing this not because you’re giving up—this time it’s because you’re going up! You deserve better and are worthy of having a consistent healthy and exciting personal relationship.

Every personal relationship, regardless of its current state, will always have the following two choices: Choice #1 – Change the Condition, or Choice #2 – Change Your Position. I hope for everyone who is in a personal relationship that is worthwhile and worth sticking with—that you find yourself succeeding time and time again with Choice #1 – Change the Condition.

Remember: The Knots of Life May Test You, Leaving Your Will Feeling Battered and Tried. Don’t Stop! Never Quit! Never Give Up! You May Have Been Delayed, But You’re RARELY Denied!

Go for it—Untie the Knots® of Your Unexciting Personal Relationship, starting TODAY!

About the Author: Ty Howard,
Mr. Untie the Knots®,
Freeing Maximal Business, Performance, and Human Potential Daily

Ty Howard is an internationally recognized authority on organizational and managerial practices that optimize employee performance and success. He is the creator and lead facilitator of the trademarked "Untie the Knots® Optimal Performance Process," and the author of Untie the Knots®: Improving Habits, Choices, People, Relationships, Performance and Results, as well as dozens of published articles on employee and organizational performance and development worldwide. For information on his programs and services, visit: http://www.tyhoward.com.


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